I’m Troubled That My Fiance’s A Villain 23, Part 117 min read
You’re all in for a surprise for this long chapter. Also, I feel super bad for Lila…
A gentle and warm voice calls me.
He’s a studious person who frequents the library, so that was the first place I went to look for him when I wanted to see him.
His usual place was at the table by the window, with various piles of old, heavy books on it.
Looking at his blonde hair quietly buried under towers of books, my heart skips a beat.
The light shines in through the window, and makes the dust dancing around him glitter.
He was mysteriously sensitive to presences, so no matter how quietly I had approached him, he suddenly noticed me and turned around. It’s a little frustrating but because I’m the person he finds the first out of everybody, I could only helplessly feel happy.
Smiling in amazement, he would once again call my name, Lila, and beckon me.
I hate my name.
Whenever someone calls me Lila, I become someone I’m not. It makes me feel as if I’m being told that I’m the protagonist, Lila.
The Lila that everyone loves and treasures. The cute and heroic Lila. The protagonist Lila.
But I love it when he calls my name.
I still hate the name Lila, but whenever he calls my name, I feel treasured.
“I think this is a good time for a break. Tell me more about your previous world again.”
I remember that it’s more of a previous life. I don’t remember much from it, but I still sometimes miss the convenient life.
But if I were to mention that I have memories of a previous life, people will definitely think I’m a weird kid.
Also, I’m this game world’s leading actress, Lila. If I stay quiet and do not do anything unnecessary, I’ll definitely be happy. That’s right, it seems that the me before was heart-breaking — I don’t need a painful life.
But only he believed me when I confided in him about my previous life. He’s the only one who looked at me properly. Not at Lila Carneille, but the real me.
As I reached out towards his arm, wanting to embrace it, I called out his name, and–
I was suddenly looking up, and before I knew it, was pushed away.
The once warm library scene completely transformed into a bleak, staircase landing.
Standing on the landing, he pushed me and told me it was game over.
“You’re not Lila, so I don’t need you.”
The ground suddenly vanished, and my surroundings dimmed.
My body was thrown towards the air, freeing it from gravity. My insides felt like they were floating — it’s such a hateful sensation. Annoying, exceedingly conspicuous, light blue hair danced from the edge of my vision, and everything happened minutely, as if it was slow-motion footage.
Without voicing that question, even an answer doesn’t echo in my head and vanishes.
I’m supposed to be loved.
That’s because in the game, a lot of people love Lila.
And the me right now is Lila.
I have to collect all the things and memories that Lila receives — everything. They’re necessary for the ending that Lila gets. Because the game’s ending has complicated branches, I can’t miss even one.
If I were to miss one thing and can’t arrive at the true ending, I’ll be useless and disappear.
From this world. Without a trace. Just like that time…!
…It’s fine. I’ll definitely do it properly.
I’ll do as I’m told, just as what Lila would do.
Even if I can’t be myself, Lila is a happy existence that’s loved by many, so I’ll definitely be happy.
That’s why I never gave up on that sole thing that I really wished for, and tried my best as Lila, but…!
Did I make a mistake?
But I don’t want to disappear yet. Even though I don’t want to live as Lila, I don’t want to die again. I want to be happy! I want to be loved! What’s wrong with wanting that!?
Why, why, whywhywhy
As I was pushed down the staircase landing, I turned toward him, and shouted. I shouted until my throat felt like it was being ripped apart.
“I don’t want to disappear! I don’t want to disappeaaar!”
I could only slowly fall as the landing steadily got farther.
I continued to rapidly fall towards the darkness.
My body starts disappearing, starting from my limbs.
“I don’t want to! I don’t want to disappear! Help…! Someone! Help–“
I desperately struggled with nothing to hold on to and continued falling.
I woke up, like surfacing from water.
My blurry, dark vision gradually sharpened, and a familiar ceiling appeared.
I timidly raised my hand in front of my face, and there was my hand.
Next, I raised my body to check on my feet that were hidden under the blanket.
Thank god. I didn’t disappear. I’m still here.
This was already a habit I would repeatedly do every time I opened my eyes.
I would open and close my hands several times, properly savoring the sensation of my hands while welling up with emotions that I’m alive today as well — I feel slightly relieved.
I guess that was just a dream. I don’t remember much of its contents, but it seems like they weren’t good..
From the gap between the curtains, the glaring sunlight shone in. The sunlight coming from between the dark clouds were sunbeams, and without doing anything, I just gazed at them.
Why was I born as Lila?
I don’t want to be Lila.
I’d be really happy just being with the person I love. I don’t desire anything else.
But even so, why did I come to a far off place like this?
Just when the small sunbeams coming from between the curtains noticeably got stronger, they quickly disappeared, as if they were erased.
I was the only one left behind in the room with its unbearable silence and gloom.
I absentmindedly looked at my own palm and then suddenly wondered what day today was.
I feel like I haven’t been to class in a while.
His Highness and several of my friends have come by to check up on me out of worry, but I didn’t feel like meeting any of them whatsoever. Especially Alois and His Highness…
I haven’t been doing anything special except staring off into the distance and sleeping, so when I came to my senses, night had passed, and then I knew that morning came from the light coming from between the curtains.
This kind of lifestyle continued for a while.
I know that when I go outside, I’ll have to be Lila. But I absolutely don’t want to leave. I don’t want to see anybody. I don’t want to act like Lila anymore.
But the world might not allow me to do this forever.
I’m scared… I don’t want to disappear…!
But I don’t know what to do.
If it’s her, she might help me out. If it’s that girl who also a reincarnator.
But the truth is that when I thought of Lizia, a surge of hope as well as hatred came from within me.
For someone like her who’s not a character from the game, she definitely doesn’t know how I feel. Much less being loved by that Bernhardt. She definitely doesn’t get that, so it’s not as if she’ll understand how I feel.
It’s slightly developed differently from the game, but I managed to get closer with His Highness, and events have been properly occurring.
And yet, everything went wrong after I failed to raise Bernhardt’s likability points. Even though Johann said that he liked me…
Alois told me that I’m suffering because she’s in the way. She’s definitely a threat.
The reason why I’m not doing so well is Lizia.
“This isn’t a program…! This isn’t a game!”
Suddenly, Lizia’s crying face came to mind.
Even I know that!
That’s exactly why I’m afraid of disappearing. Is that so wrong of me?
I didn’t say anything wrong. Even if Lizia gets hurt, it’s her fault that I’m distressed.
But every time I remember her sad expression, my chest hurts, and a small voice would ask in my head, Does she really like that person enough to get in my way? Didn’t she just take her anger out on me that time in the meadows?
That voice would desperately shout, ‘You’re wrong,’ and then I’d block my ears with all my might. If I don’t, my resolve might crumble.
It’s fine. Viola and Alois said that she’s just in the way, and they’re right.
I have to believe them.
If I do, I’ll be at ease.
Everything’s going to be fine.
I hugged my pillow, and rolled into a ball.
Let’s think of happy thoughts.
When I thought that, what naturally came to mind was the library. The smell of old books. The twinkling dust in the sunlight. The voice of that person who gently chimes in with a remark to my story.
I wanna go home. To that gentle place.
At that moment, warm tears fell from my shut eyes, and spilled over.
A knocking sound resounded.
Who is it? His Highness again? Or maybe Alois?
A voice of a kind old woman. Probably the dorm mother.
She most likely came here out of worry for Lila who’d shut herself up in her room.
I can’t deal with her as Lila, so I stayed quiet. I’m sure she’s busy as well, so if I wait a few minutes, she’ll leave. Despite her having come here, I felt bad, with feelings of wanting to be left alone mixed in.
When a few more minutes passed, a woman’s voice that’s different from the dorm mother spoke.
“Hey, Lila-san. Won’t you open the door?”
When I thought about it for a bit, that voice was Lizia’s.
Don’t tell me she came here to help me?
That absurd thought flashed in my mind for a second. Just what am I thinking? Isn’t the other person that hateful Lizia?
“Can you please talk to me for just a little bit?”
With her extremely anxious voice, I thought of how miserable I was, and couldn’t help it anymore.
While I wavered on what to answer back, and whether she concluded that I didn’t want to answer, she didn’t talk anymore than that.
Now would be a good time to leave. If I were to get off the bed, open the door, and come face-to-face with her…
And then ask her if she’s here to save me? That’s stupid. There’s no way something like that will happen.
But if by chance she’s not as Alois said she is–
As I meandered back and forth like that, a tinkling sound resounded from the lock. I looked surprised as the door opened, and the light from the hallway illuminated the dark room.
There was the dorm mother and Lizia. And a third-year female student that I sometimes see, as well as Bernhardt. Because I haven’t been eating much and have only been sleeping, I probably look really horrible. I heard someone murmur just how haggard I looked.
Bernhardt calmly approached and stared at me. I could see in those grey eyes the pity, and then, I realized.
“Ah… It’s all over, huh?”
It’s been forever since I’ve talked, so my voice came out all hoarse. Completely unlike Lila.
I couldn’t detect the emotions in his words, but tears willfully fell from my eyes at them. Maybe because of my fear of the end. Or maybe it’s from relief.
Disappearing and dying — both of them are terrifying. But when I thought of how the days where I’ll live in fear of those was about to end, I just helplessly felt relieved.
“We’ve come to set you free, Lila Carneille.”
“We’ve come to set you free, Lila Carneille.”
When we told her that, Lila stared for a minute, dumbfounded, and then suddenly started laughing, Hehehe.
“I see. So in the end, I’m going to disappear.”
“That’s right, since I couldn’t fulfill my role as Lila, I’m going to disappear.”
What did she mean by ‘disappear?’ Is Alois going to make her disappear, like how an organization would do so? I feel unsettled.
Lila has been laughing ‘Hehehe,’ since earlier, as if she’s lost her sense of reality.
In the dark room with the closed curtains, the laughing Lila looked haggard. To be honest, she looks really scary.
As I thought that, she suddenly stopped laughing and weakly glared at me.
“You have it so good.”
As Lila raggedly cried, she let out a crooked smile.
Seeing the vivid malice in those eyes, my body unconsciously froze, as if I turned to stone.
“You’re just a mob with no role, haven’t you been doing whatever you please and living happily?”
“Wa-wait a minute.”
“I don’t like being Lila! But I! With that person, I–!”
“Calm down, Lila. What do you mean by ‘role?'”
Lila leaned out of bed and shouted. She was leaning out too much, so she reached out her arm to prop her body up so as to not fall and pulled my arm towards her.
“You don’t have one, so you wouldn’t understand. I’m really jealous of you.”
Just what is she going on about? Anyways, I’ve thought of this before, but Lila’s really strong! Ow, ow!
Bern quickly tried to pull her off of me, but instead, I took over and let her do as she wished.
It’s true that she’s scary, but it’s not like she’ll go so far as to strangle me. Yeah, well, I just hope she doesn’t.
Without provoking Lila, I slowly and gently tried to ask her some more.
“I’m sorry, Lila. I don’t really get what you mean by role, or disappearing. Won’t you tell me what you mean by those?”
“…You know that Lila’s the protagonist of this world, right? Lila has to fall in love with His Highness Edwin in this world. If I don’t properly reach the happy ending, I’ll be useless and disappear.”
Y-yeah. I still don’t get what she means by that.
“U-uhm, so you mean if you don’t end up with His Highness, you’ll disappear?”
“That’s right. You don’t believe me? But it’s true. If I do as Lila would, then everyone would fall in love with me since I’m kind to them. That’s why I have to be like Lila. But it’s no use… I can’t continue being Lila anymore. I’m pretty sure I’ll disappear before long.”
The strength from Lila’s hand gripping me slowly disappeared, and she cowered.
I’ve always thought that Lila wanted to be His Highness’ fiancée, but from what she said, it seems I was wrong.
Putting aside what Lila thinks of His Highness, it seems she had to get close to His Highness. Should I assume that she was forced?
“It’s cause you got in the way. Even though I did as I was told. Even so…! I don’t want to disappear… Don’t wanna disappear…”
“You’ll be fine, Lila. You won’t disappear. Okay?”
“You’re lying! Even Viola told me so, so you’re lying! But if that’s true, I’ll really disappear! My hands are disappearing… my hands…”
Confused, I confirmed that her hands weren’t disappearing as Lila fervently cried.
Not knowing what to do, she sobbed convulsively while repeatedly saying that she didn’t want to disappear. I gently rubbed Lila’s small back.
“I’m scaredd… Help me… Onii-sama.”
As to how she’s going to disappear, going by her words, it doesn’t seem like she’s going to be killed, but that her body was actually going to disappear. It’s a very unlikely story, but I have no choice but to believe that Lila’s out of her wits.
Maybe she’s talking about a god-like existence? And if Lila, as the protagonist, wasn’t able to be together with His Highness, she’d disappear as punishment?
But I’ve also reincarnated, same as her, and I’ve never met a supernatural being like that.
Is it because I reincarnated as a mob, just like what Lila said? No, there’s no way. But if so, that kinda pisses me off. It’s not like being a mob is that bad!
Actually, Bern’s been listening to our conversation like normal –is this okay? Saying words like protagonist, and mob, that is. Speaking of, when Lila and I had our quarrel a while back, he didn’t ask anything either.
As I worried about various things, I saw that Bern didn’t look doubtful, and only looked at the back of Lila’s head with a worried look on his face.
After thinking about things for a while, Bern spoke up.
“That’s just a hallucination, Lila Carneille.”
“I’ve seen cases of someone being brainwashed by being fed a drug, given suggestions, and purposely shown hallucinations. Most likely, you were either fed the drug or made to inhale it.”
Isn’t that a dangerous drug?
So that means it’s just a hallucination that Lila thinks her hands are disappearing.
I’m glad. I was worried that a fantasy story would have begun and that Viola was God’s messenger, but that’s not the case at all. I can believe that Lila was shown a hallucination to think her hands were disappearing with a type of hypnotism.
“No… way. Are you saying that Alois onii-sama tricked me!?”
“That’s right. You were brainwashed. By Alois and Viola.”
“To say that I’ll really disappear. I don’t think they’d lie about that. Plus those two have always supported me. They were helping me so that I wouldn’t disappear, that’s why I listened to what they said.”
“You’ve been brainwashed. By Alois and her.”
“You’re… You’re lying!”
Expecting that Lila wouldn’t readily accept that, Bern gave off an expression as if there was no helping it.
“So you’re not going to accept it that easily, huh.”
He took my hand, helped me up, and lightly brushed off the dirt from my skirt.
It seems that the slight pity he had for Lila earlier completely disappeared.
“If you want to release the curse, feel free to come to me. Of course, you’re also free to shut yourself in here forever.”
Lila didn’t say anything else. She only absentmindedly looked at us, seemingly wavering.
I think Lila’s been told bad things about me up til now.
But for some reason, I just can’t seem to hate her. Of course, that doesn’t mean I like her either.
It’s probably because it felt like she wanted me to help her.
Although that may be a bit too arrogant of me as a mob.
“Hey, Lila. You said you wanted someone to help you, right? But I think if you really wanted to be saved, you should save yourself. Wasn’t it a saying? Heaven helps those who help themselves.”
Although I was worried some other proverb may have fit better, but well, that’s still a good thing to say, if I do say so myself. Yep.
With the rapid beating of my heart, I held out my hand to Lila, and she stared at it for a while. As I stared at her, waiting for her to move, she slowly raised her hand, and at last, timidly grasped my hand.
We’ve finally started the last chapter. There’s only four more left with an update a day. I’ll be in your care.
This has been the longest chapter I’ve ever translated for this story, and probably even for the other stories on this site. I really pity Lila. You could really see that she’s been brainwashed, and that she’s forced to do this. She doesn’t want to be Lila at all. It doesn’t excuse what she’s done, but compared to Alois? I can forgive her. It’s Alois and Viola that I hate a whole lot.
EN: Well, I feel kind of bad for Lila now. Especially since she’s been given the idea that she’ll die if she acts out of place. Living with that idea every single day would probably be terrifying.
And Alois is doing an excellent job of being a textbook example scumbag. I’m guessing Viola is probably that fortune teller that he relies on.